


just too unreal

by logictron



Series: harvester of light [6]
Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:10:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/logictron/pseuds/logictron
Summary: Next in the series (I swear I'm gonna go back and actually make this a series. I didn't ever mean for it to be this many parts!), follows "series of lifetimes". Amir and Hannah settle into a routine. And then they break it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even going to be mean about this, the first chapter has a T rating at best. Sorry not sorry? I like a little build-up. I plan on working on part two presently but figured I'd put this part up for now. But chapter two will decidedly be smut. Probably a bit of it. Finally.
> 
> Thank you all for continuing this little journey with me. There are...I think two more planned parts to this (beyond the smut), possibly three? We'll see.
> 
> Comments are worth everything. Kudos are nice too. Come talk to me on tumblr! stupid-jeans.tumblr.com
> 
> (Title is from Word of your Body from Spring Awakening because reasons)

It surprised Amir how easily they fell into a routine. He'd meet her at the gym and they'd get in their respective workouts, and then they'd go for breakfast and people-watch, making up stories about strangers, seeing who could come up with the most ridiculous things, who would break first. He'd do anything to make her laugh, and he was usually successful. Which he wasn't convinced had anything to do with his wit but probably more to do with the fact that Hannah, apparently, was just as smitten with him as he was with her. And smitten wasn't something Amir had ever been in his life.

After breakfast, they'd go back to Hannah's place and read or watch TV or do any number of ridiculous mundane things, because all of those things were things Amir didn't really get to do much. And he got the feeling Hannah hadn't paid much attention to doing them, either.

The afternoons involved homemade lunches (Hannah'd been holding out on him and was more than adequate in the kitchen, it turned out) and a walk or a hike or some sort of excursion that drew them out for a while. He knew all too well the reflex to withdraw,to get lost in each other and forget how to exist in the world. And with his imminent departure never far from either of their minds, it felt important to go out. And besides, he enjoyed watching Hannah. He loved watching her sing along to the radio, and he loved watching her drive, and he loved watching her pick out produce at the grocery store, meticulous, spending far too much time on each item. But he loved it all.

In the evenings, he'd cook dinner. Sometimes she watched him and sometimes they chatted, but sometimes they sat in silence, too, or Hannah would disappear for a bit. And it was all just so _comfortable_.

And the comfort led to other things, like her finding excuses to hold his hand, or brush up against him, or kiss his cheek. And Amir had to wonder if she knew what it did to him. Because she was driving him slowly mad in the best possible way.

"We should go to a movie," Hannah announced,about a week into his stay (he knew exactly how long it had been, down to the minute, but that was neither here nor there).

"Um, now?" It was after dinner, a time they usually reserved for cuddling up on the couch to watch the news. Something he deeply enjoyed, mostly for the cuddling aspect. He had truly not realized how touch-starved he was until being here with her.

"Is that okay? We can go some other time if you'd rather." Hannah started the dishwasher and leaned against the counter, smiling at him. How could she not know he'd do anything for that smile?

"I'd love to go to the movies," he replied, reaching for her, tugging her to him so he could kiss her, sweet and lingering. He'd never get tired of this.

**

The movies had gotten a hell of a lot fancier since Amir had last gone. The theater had reclining seats and gourmet snacks. It felt more like a date than anything else they'd done.

"Can we cuddle here, is that okay?" Hannah asked once they'd sat down.

"Yeah, of course." Like he'd ever say no to that request.

Almost gleefully, Hannah lifted the armrest between them and settled against him with a contented sigh.

"I don't really go to the movies," she explained, fingering the fabric of his shirt. "Too dark, too crowded..."

"Me neither. But we're here," Amir said, running his fingers up her arm, slipping them into her hair. He'd determined this, beyond anything else, melted her instantly. And he loved knowing that tiny bit of information. His to hold, to guard.

"You can kiss me. Here, I mean," she said, and he realized why they were here. Hannah was testing, pushing her own boundaries. Because she felt safe with him.

"I plan on it," he murmured, tugging gently at her hair until Hannah looked up at him.

He kissed her softly, brushing his mouth over hers, capturing her bottom lip between his own. The house lights were still on, people were still filtering in, and he wasn't exactly a big fan of PDAs. But this he could do. He pulled back after a few seconds, watching her eyes flutter open to find his.

"Maybe we should go to the movies more often,"she whispered, and he couldn't help but be proud of the breathless tone in her voice.

"Or I could just kiss you at home," he offered, and it was as close to hinting at more as he'd gotten. He watched Hannah's eyes darken, and she was about to respond when the lights went down and the previews started.

Amir didn't really see any of the movie. He had no complaints about that. He was too busy touching her (innocently), memorizing the way she felt against him, the way he could make her breath catch if he tugged her hair just right or if his fingertip grazed her ear, the way she shivered when his fingers linked with her own, the way she kept looking up at him, silently seeking a kiss. He tried desperately not to think about going home with her, but he couldn't help considering it a little bit. Not that he was in any sort of rush. He'd gladly go home and do more of this. Or go back to his hotel. But he hadn't let himself think about it all since getting here, and now he couldn't push the thought away.

When the credits rolled, Hannah lifted her head and kissed his cheek, nuzzling his ear. "Take me home..." she breathed and all Amir could think about was how she'd sounded in Colombia, when she was falling apart for him.

Still, Amir prepared himself for a change of heart. Trauma turned on a dime and he knew that better than just about anyone. Hannah was incredibly strong and brave and resilient, but there were things neither of them could control. He got that.

The drive home was entirely silent. Hannah didn't even turn on the radio. He reached his hand out to her and held it over her lap, an offer without touching. She took it, holding it with both of her own, and he relaxed a bit.

When they reached her condo, Amir noticed she was shaking. He turned of the ignition and turned his attention fully to her.

"You okay?" he asked gently.

"Yeah." She let out a breath, laughing softly as she met his searching gaze. "I just really, really want this. You."

"You have me. I'm right here," Amir promised, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

"So not what I meant," Hannah groaned, laughing again. Amir chuckled.

"I know. Shall we go inside?"

In response,Hannah let go of his hand and opened her door. Amir followed after her, his own heart racing in his chest. This woman would definitely be the death of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has (some of) the goods, y'all. But this was a lot of emotional unpacking too so yep. There will be more smut in chapter 3. Which will hopefully be posted sometime tomorrow? But I make no promises.

Hannah somehow managed to unlock the door and get them inside, despite the unsteadiness of her hands. Amir was giving her space, she could tell, and while she appreciated the sentiment, it wasn't what she needed just now. She rounded on him as soon as the door closed, grabbing him and pulling him closer. She kissed him, the feel of his mouth familiar by now, and it grounded her. His hands slid under her coat, smoothing over her hips, strong and steady, familiar, too, but from another time.

"Amir..." She wasn't even sure what she needed. Her mind was reeling.

"You have me," he repeated, his lips grazing hers as he spoke. She felt him nudge the coat off her shoulders, watched him set it aside before removing his own. He was never more than a few inches from her, but Hannah ached with missing his touch. "Come here."

Amir's hands found hers again and led her to the couch. He sat and tugged her into his lap, giving her plenty of space to pull back if she chose. Which she didn't. Hannah settled over him, her hands resting on his shoulders.

"You told me...you said you thought about me," Hannah murmured. "On the phone."

His lips curled into a smile. "I remember." The way his fingers curled just slightly against her waist sent a shiver down her spine. Hannah swallowed thickly and wet her lips, her teeth digging temporarily into her bottom one before releasing.

"Tell me what you thought about?" she whispered as she traced the collar of his shirt, relishing in the way his breath stalled at her words, at her touch.

Amir cleared his throat, his thumbs sweeping over her hips, sparking heat under her skin despite the relative innocence of the gesture.

"Your mouth," he murmured, low and so much darker than his usual tone. "How badly I needed to kiss you again...the sound you made when I asked if I could taste you...how you asked me to fuck you." Amir carefully eased his fingers under the edge of her shirt and Hannah gasped when he met bare skin.

"God..."

"Okay?"

Hannah hummed, shifting closer, ghosting her lips over his. "Keep going..."

"I thought about all the things I didn't get to do...How I wanted to take you apart with my fingers, how I wanted to put my mouth on every single inch of you, just to see what you'd do, how insane I could make you." Amir's hands slid higher, his fingers following the contours of her ribs all the way to her spine. Hannah knew each time he crossed over a scar but Amir didn't seem to be paying any attention to that.

Suddenly much too warm, Hannah pulled back slightly, just enough to tug her shirt over her head. It caused far less anxiety than it had the first time--she didn't even have to remind herself to keep breathing.

"Hannah..." The way Amir said her name, it sounded like a prayer, and the way he was looking at her, Hannah wasn't entirely convinced it wasn't one. She took his hand and guided it to the front clasp on her bra.

"Touch me." She rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes. "Please."

The fabric loosened in seconds and Hannah would've been impressed if she wasn't so distracted. She shrugged out of the bra and let it drop somewhere on the floor before Amir's mouth found hers, his tongue teasing at her lips. She yielded instantly, her lips parting to him as he claimed her mouth. The way he kissed her made it impossible for Hannah not to think about his mouth in other places and her hips shifted, instinctively seeking relief from the rapidly building heat pooling in her belly.

Amir's hands, which had been still,finally moved, one rounding her back to anchor her in place, the other cupping her breast, his thumb tortuously circling her nipple, drawing it to a stiff peak.

"God," Hannah breathed, moaning softly, her hips rolling more deliberately this time, earning her a choked groan from Amir. "I don't remember you being this much of a tease..."

"We weren't exactly taking our time last time," Amir reasoned, finally pinching her nipple lightly between his fingers. Her breath hitched and she felt rather than heard Amir's soft chuckle. "Are you complaining?"

"No." Hannah shook her head slightly, her hair spilling over her shoulders. She looked up at him finally, only to find him watching her, already dark eyes impossibly darker, pupils blown. Arching into the hand still at her breast, Hannah kissed him again, mouth open, tongue slipping easily past his lips, seeking his.

The kiss only seemed to make Amir more intent on taking his time. He switched his attentions to her other breast, his fingers nimble and sure and calculated, just the right amount of pressure, just the right amount of heat. Only for lack of oxygen, Hannah pulled away, panting.

"Let me take you to bed." He slid both hands to her waist, letting her breathe.

"Yeah," Hannah agreed, crawling off his lap and getting unsteadily to her feet. When he didn't immediately follow, she arched her brow at him.

"Sorry, you're a bit distracting, that's all," Amir explained, grinning as he stood. "Memory doesn't do you justice."

Coming from any other man, Hannah would've rolled her eyes and chalked it up to a line. But Amir was earnest to a fault and she knew he meant it.

"I think you just like making me blush..." she laughed, reaching her hands out to him.

"Maybe so," he agreed, taking them and letting her lead him to the bedroom. 

He'd been in the rest of her home, but the bedroom was hers alone. Hannah hadn't had anyone here at all. And it felt strangely intimate, despite not feeling much of a personal connection to this place. She'd barely unpacked her boxes, let alone decorated. But even still, the flutter in her stomach that had dissipated returned.

"Stay with me," Amir whispered, his hands leaving hers to trail carefully up her back instead, his lips finding the base of the scar on her neck as his arms slid around her middle.

"I'm here," she whispered, leaning into him. "It's funny...sex used to make me feel powerful. And now...I don't know. The idea makes me feel vulnerable."

"It can be both," he reasoned, his hands mapping her skin, patient and methodical. "I have no expectation here, Hannah. I only want you to feel the same trust in me that I do in you...to feel as cared for as you've made me feel."

"I know." Her hands found his, not stopping their movement, just shadowing."You're overdressed."

"Again, distracted," Amir reminded her, brushing his lips over her ear."Turn around,Hannah."

The soft certainty of his voice, the dark timbre of it, bled through her like molten lava. Obliging,it still took almost a full thirty seconds before she could meet his gaze,her cheeks flushing under the intensity.

"Look," he whispered."It's just me. Okay?"

In response, Hannah reached for the hem of his sweater, drawing it upward until he had to step back and raise his arms to help her. She'd forgotten this, too, or maybe just been too distracted by her own trauma, but there were scars. A jagged one cut over his shoulder, one she recognized as a knife wound above his left hip, and several smaller circular scars Hannah didn't want to think about just now. Amir squeezed her wrist and she realized she'd been staring.

"Sorry, I--"

"Look all you want. No apologies. They're the reason we're here. Yours, mine. Do I wish they hadn't happened? Of course. But...if they had to happen, I think this is an acceptable reward, don't you?" he asked quietly, unmoving save for the sweep of his thumb over her pulse where his fingers still circled her wrist.

"Come to bed," Hannah replied, reaching for the waistband of his jeans, unbuckling his belt, feeling considerably steadier. With his pants out of the way, she nudged him back onto the bed, shimmying out of her own jeans before crawling over him. Every single fantasy she'd had about him suddenly came flooding back, but this wasn't a fantasy. He was here, under her, at her disposal. The powerful feeling she'd been seeking swept over her and she found herself smirking, just a little.

She lowered her mouth to his skin, kissing from the scar on his shoulder, down across his chest, savouring the way he felt under her.

"Hannah," he muttered, his fingers carding through her hair as her tongue trailed down the center of his abdomen, the muscles visibly tensing.

"Hmm?" she purred, raking her nails lightly along the waistband of his boxer briefs, pleased when he inhaled sharply.

"Now who's the tease?"

"Mmm, is it really teasing, though? If I plan to follow through?" Hannah tugged the last of his clothing off, kneeling over him, sweeping her hair over her shoulder as she drank in the sight of him.

"There is a good chance you might actually kill me..." Amir murmured.

"Turnabout's fair play," she reasoned, running her nails over the top of his thigh as she bit her lip, almost thoughtfully. Bracing her hands on either side of him, Hannah leaned over him so they were eye to eye."I really, really want to taste you..."

The low growl her words dragged from his throat was the closest to undone she'd seen him and it took every bit of effort she possessed not to beg him to touch her. Instead, Hannah lowered her hips and carefully dragged herself against him, her panties totally soaked through.

"Oh, fuck..." she breathed, temporarily lost in the delicious friction. Amir's hands grasped her hips, his jaw clenched.

"You can do whatever you'd like, but this...I won't last long," he warned.

Hannah forced herself to pull away before settling over him again. Her fingers trailed over him, gently running from the tip of his cock to the base and back, relishing in how something so simple made him physically twitch with needing her. Wrapping her hand around him, she leaned down and dragged the flat of her tongue over the precum beading at the head.

The choked groan from Amir made Hannah strangely proud. He was generally so stoic, it was nice to know she could break through that a little, that she wasn't the only one letting herself be vulnerable. Wrapping her lips around him, she took him slowly into her mouth, savoring him.

"Hannah..." The way he said her name stole the breath from her lungs. His fingers slid into her hair again and it was enough of a reminder to keep breathing. She teased her tongue over him enough to elicit another groan and then pulled back, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, grinning up at him almost shyly, suddenly aware of exactly how wet she was. "Come here. Please..."

She leaned over him, arms unsteady, moaning when he kissed the taste of himself from her lips. The heat of his fingers skimming down her stomach almost made her collapse.

"I need..." Hannah trailed off, trying to find words.

"Anything. Tell me." Amir's fingers stilled, the tips just barely brushing the lace trim of her panties. Whining softly, Hannah dropped her head to his shoulder. Now that his attention was back on her, some of her vulnerabilities were returning.

"Touch me," she pleaded.

"Like this?"

Hannah felt incredibly unsteady but like this, she also felt more in control. She nodded haltingly, grateful when Amir didn't prompt her again. His hand slid into her panties and she gasped raggedly, her hips canting instantly into the gentle pressure of his fingers.

"Fuck..."

"Do you want me to stay right here?" Amir asked, his voice right in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine as his fingers stroked her clit. "Or do you want me inside?"

"Stay...stay. Please." Hannah was already shaking, already nearing breaking point, and he'd barely touched her at all. Were she thinking more clearly, she might be embarrassed by how easily he was taking her apart.

"You don't have to beg me." Amir's fingers dipped slightly, finding the source of her wetness before dragging back over her clit. "Is this how you want to come for me, Hannah?"

Hearing him say it was more than enough and Hannah broke,her cries barely muffled in his neck as her hips chased his fingers, alternately seeking and shying away from the pressure until her pleasure ebbed. She all but collapsed on top of him, blood rushing in her ears.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the smut continues. With feeling. Because these two are incapable of doing anything without. Comments feed the soul. Enjoy! :)
> 
> This particular fic is done but there are...at least two more parts of this arc coming. I need to name it (the arc,I mean). Suggestions appreciated?

It took a minute for her to register that he was talking, murmuring soothingly as he held her. With a little effort, she stretched and shifted to settle more comfortably.

"Am I crushing you?"

Amir snorted. "Do you have such little faith in my physical strength?" he teased, smoothing his hand soothingly down her back.

"No, you're just short, that's all."

Amir laughed harder than she'd ever seen him laugh, his body jostling so much that she would've rolled off of him if he wasn't holding her.

"You know, I was going to ask if you were okay but I think it's me I should be worried about now..." he said, still chuckling.

"Bruised ego?" Hannah asked, lifting her head to arch her brow at him.

"You know, maybe if you weren't lying naked on top of me, still..." Amir mused

"Touche." Experimentally, she angled her hips, her body shuddering almost as violently as Amir's. "I think I want you inside me now..."

"You think, hm? You want to stay like this?" He kissed the corner of her mouth affectionately.

"I don't think I can," Hannah admitted, laughing softly as a faint blush rose to her cheeks. She still felt shaky after holding herself up the first time.

"We can wait."

Knowing he would do exactly that with zero complaint, Hannah kissed him, nipping at his lips until his fingers flexed into her skin. Even here, he didn't have many tells, but knowing just kissing her could make him lose even a little bit of control was incredibly sexy.

"It's okay," she whispered, finally pulling away, rolling onto her back beside him. "Come here?"

Amir obliged her, kneeling over her, his eyes raking over her hungrily. It was so rare, seeing the darker side of him. She'd seen flashes, heard them on missions, and this wasn't exactly like that, but it came from the same place. The part of him that didn't hold back, the part of him that felt everything completely.

Pushing up on her elbow, Hannah reached out for him, her fingers grazing his cheek, the stubble prickling at her fingers, familiar now. The touch seemed to draw him back and the darkness receded.

"Sorry." Amir exhaled through his nose and closed his eyes briefly.

"No apologies, remember?" Hannah reminded him, still tracing his cheek. "I trust you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"I know," Amir murmured, smoothing his hands up her thighs. "I'm just not used to wanting things so badly."

"That makes two of us." She offered him a smile and Amir leaned in to kiss her, gently nudging her onto her back as his tongue dipped into her mouth, stirring the fire inside her all over again.

"Condoms?" he breathed against her lips and Hannah pulled away to fish the box out of the end table.

Hannah watched him take out a foil packet and tear it open, rolling it on. It wasn't until he looked at her again that she realized she wasn't breathing.

"Still okay?" Amir asked. Swallowing, Hannah nodded.

"Please."

"I told you you don't have to beg," he murmured as he finally, _finally_ dragged the head of his cock against her, teasing around her clit and down to her entrance and back again.

"Maybe I like it," Hannah whispered, a revelation to her, too. Even before her scars, she'd always called the shots with men. Having the upper hand had always been crucial. But she'd meant what she'd said. She trusted him. And that meant she could let go a little, because he would catch her. He had. A million times already.

"Hannah." He groaned, settling against her, smoothing one hand up her thigh to draw it over his own. Some of the darkness was back now.

As she was about to reach for him, Amir leaned over her, bending to kiss her. She could tell he was fighting with himself, his need for control warring with his wanting for her. Hannah rocked her hips just barely against him, aching for him to fill her, to give in. Reaching up, she curled her fingers against the back of his neck, raking her nails carefully into his hair.

"Please..." she repeated, soft and coaxing, her desperation only just bleeding through.

It was enough. Amir's eyes found hers as he sank into her almost painfully slow. Hannah brought her hands to his face, cupping it, holding him close, keeping him grounded, her breath stuttering at the delicious burn of him filling her.

"This is what I thought about," he murmured, a breathless growl as his hips finally met hers. "Beyond anything else. Being inside you again, feeling you like this."

"Amir." Hannah could barely breathe and he wasn't even moving. She whined, burying her face in his shoulder, suddenly a little overwhelmed by how desperate she felt.

"I'm right here," he promised. "Breathe." His hand skimmed her waist, the gesture meant to be soothing, but it just made her shudder.

"Please," she breathed against his pulse.

"Please what, Hannah?" And she almost shattered at that, a broken moan spilling from her throat. He was playing her now, and it made her dizzy.

"Touch me," Hannah pleaded. "I need you..."

Amir's hand found hers and tugged it between them. "Show me."

Linking his fingers in her own,she guided him between her thighs, her breath hitching at the welcome friction.

"Oh, _fuck_..." Apparently, feeling her was all the encouragement he needed. Amir lifted away from her, his fingers still working steadily under her own, circling her clit carefully, never enough to bring her to breaking point. His movements inside her were no less measured, though Hannah could feel him losing himself, tremors working through his muscles under the drag of her nails.

"Come," he whispered, a command Hannah was powerless to disobey. He filled her one more time before she shattered, crying out for him, her body tightening greedily around him, desperate for him to stay.

The way his voice sounded in her ear as he spilled inside her, rough and low and broken, was enough to spike Hannah's pleasure again, her orgasm sharp and almost painful, leaving her panting and boneless under him.

When Amir pulled away, Hannah immediately reached for him, earning her a soft, affectionate chuckle and a kiss. "Give me one minute, okay?"

She hummed her impatient assent, watching him retreat to the bathroom. True to his word, he was back a minute later, offering her a cup of water,which she took gratefully.

Amir slid into bed with her again and Hannah wasted no time in tucking herself against him,her body craving the nearness, the comfort.

"Are you okay?" he asked,and Hannah laughed, pushing herself up on her elbow to look at him. He was smiling innocently back at her.

"Stupid question, Raisani."

"And why is that?" Amir asked, his fingers curling against her neck,brushing her scar, though Hannah barely noticed.

"Because you damn well better already know the answer," she whispered.

"You know," Amir mused. "I think I might."

Hannah fell asleep beside him for the first time since Colombia, a lifetime away, and this time, when she woke up wrapped in his arms, she didn't have any intention of pulling away.


End file.
